Truth is, unmet expectations will kill a relationship, especially a marriage. We all carry with us a whole host of expectations for ourselves and those around us. We find comfort in knowing what to expect and when our expectations are met all is well with the world. When they are not disappointment is inevitable. When they are exceeded magic.
Developing realistic expectations is something they try and teach us in school. The Bell Curve is a perfect example of a model for developing realistic expectations for our own academic achievement. Ask any C student what they expected to get on the final exam? Ask any A student what she expects to get on the final exam? In this example is the grade expectation the chicken or the egg?
Truth is, I'm a big believer in high expectations. I believe high expectation is the egg. I also believe high expectations in anyone other than ourselves is a rotten egg. Reasonable expectations for those around us is one way to avoid undue heart break and disappointment. It sets us up for pleasant surprises and sets free those we love to be themselves.
Transparent expectations may be a step in the right direction. I think we assume the ecxpectations people have for us is much higher than they really are. I think most of us set pretty unrealistic expectations for ourselves and we spend a good deal of energy beating ourselves up about not meeting them. That is between you and yourself or me and myself and we can delude ourselves all we want, but when it comes to those around us expectations makes our love conditional. True love is unconditional. If we want to experience true love we must let go of our expectations. We have to love what is and not what we expect. We must love what we have not what we want. If you want love you must give it away.
